Resonance

re•so•nan•ce (noun)
the ability to oscillate between different positions, appearing to "resonate" between two or more states. Resonance can be applied to science in such areas as chemistry in the positioning of electrons in pi bonds for chemical structures, or physics in the oscillation of particles and waves.
Origin: Latin (resonantia = echo or resonare = resound)

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So, I want to take the time here to apologize for freaking out during my last post two weeks ago. Looking back on it, I don't think I've publicly posted something so morbid in quite a while. I also want to take to time to explain myself, to the best of my ability.

From knowing me for so long, you already know that I struggled with depression during high school, especially in  the first three years, but still significantly during the senior two. Since graduation, I've had the time to really think about those five years in secondary school and I've really been trying to understand what went on and everything.

For the past year or so, I've had a theory about myself that was pretty much confirmed during my brief bout of self deprecation two weeks ago, and it goes something like this:

I was really depressed during high school (for really personal reasons that you may know), and life was really getting difficult to bear, but I was able to survive because I had really great friends. I knew even back then that my friends were all important to me, and they were important because when I was with my friends, I was able to be really and truly happy. Being in their presence immediately put me in a good mood, and having fun together completely obliterated all of the ubiquitous negative feelings I had. My friends made me forget about all of the crap that I had going in in my life; I could forget about all of my pernicious troubles and all of my teenage angsty woes. They liberated me from my depression and allowed me to be free to be happy.

Most importantly, my friends made me laugh. I think my laugh has a reputation, but its only because my laugh really incarnates my feelings. If something makes me feel bursting with joy, my laugh will be bursting with joy and its volume and duration are directly proportional to the amount of happiness I am feeling, and since (when with friends) I am ravingly happy, my laugh is ravingly obnoxious.

During high school, I was laughing every day. Seeing you and Froface (btw I love the way you're referring to our friends specifically not in a way that still protects their anonymity) and Drummerkid and everyone else in Band, the Overlord, Old Wrinkly Wife, others in my other classes, and Mme in French, I was never short of a good laugh at school. During the senior years, I was even guaranteed to laugh so hard I would start crying at least once a month in Mme's french class. Yes, I was going through a very difficult period in my life, personally, but I know that I was also very fortunate to have the misery combated by a healthy portion of laughter.

That laughter is something that I'm missing out on here at UBC. As there is nobody here in any of my classes that I can really truly be myself around, I can never really laugh the way I'd like to; the laughter has all but left my life, if you will. The only times I really get a taste of that laughter is when I'm laughing at the comics you send me on the thread, or on Fridays when I get together with people at home. I've realized this past two weeks that the laughter impacts my health much more than I thought it did. I think the reason I have such a general state of passivity at UBC is because there really isn't anything there that sparks my eccentricity, and when I'm feeling upset over poor midterm marks, there really isn't anything that helps me forget about it or get over it; I'm kinda forced to just sit there and mope about it.

But that isn't to say that I'm anywhere near where I was before in high school. I may be moody, upset, and depressed, but really its not as bad as it once was, at least not yet. I'm older, I'm able to endure it for longer periods of time, I've found things that can distract me from it long enough to keep going, and the Lord will always be there when I need Him.

Yes, high school was a very, very trying time for me, but if I had a choice to go through it or not, I would choose to do so. I believe that everything I learned about myself, the world, and the people around me are worth the suffering. I'm no longer a neophyte to the emotional curve balls that life can throw.

The Lord challenges us constantly, but gives us the strength to over come them. This is something that is hard to remember, but its something that He's proven to me countless times over, most recently, in the past two weeks. You kinda get a sense of how upset I was in my last blog post, and I was even very angry as I drove over to your house on that Friday (I don't think I've ever driven across town in less than five minutes before) but as soon as I saw you guys, everything evaporated. Any lingering negative feelings after Friday were totally expunged over the next week because of one thing: DSS.

As you know, the DSS drama department presented A Flea in Her Ear throughout last week. I had originally planned not to go, but when I got home on Thursday, my sister came up to me and said "Tim are you free tonight??? Crazy German Friend is working as stage crew and she got me two tickets to the DSS play tonight, so you should come with me!" and I did and it was fantastic and I don't think I've laughed that hard for a very long time.

It was not just that the play was hilarious, but I got to see lots of friends from band and some of the teachers and it was amazingly fun and really it was all the best parts of high school rolled into one night. And it was so invigorating that I needed another hit of it, so I went to see it again with Souless Fro Boy on Friday. And it was just as amazing. Seriously, I can't remember the last time I jumped up and down shrieking my face off with excitement in the middle of a crowd of strangers. And then on Saturday since my sister hasn't seen Crazy German Friend and Crazy Asian Friend from DSS in AGES, they had a sleepover and we had a blast.

I love how my sister gets along and is friends with my friends, and vice versa. It's awesome.

Anyways, I'm feeling a lot better and when I have time, I'll be ranting about Pokémon because FIFTH GEN WAS JUST RELEASED TO THE WORLD! OMG YAY!

Also: thanks for the support and awesomeness, Clay. I can't think of enough (positive) adjectives to attach to the word Friend when thanking you.

Also: I enjoyed your thoughts on n00bs; I think it's very noble of to want to use your prowess to decrease world suck like that; there aren't many people who would.

Also: would it be violating your Lent if we continued the Thread here on Vonerdculary, because the Thread turns two years old in just over a month, and I'd hate for it to be put on haitus... (so cute!~ http://www.exocomics.com/170 ; only awkward if you make it so http://www.lefthandedtoons.com/bizarro/28/ ; I LOVE COMMANDER DATA! SO AWESOME! Also: only nerds would do what is suggested in the last panel http://2tothe5th.com/default.aspx#244_-_Commander_Data)

Chat soon,
~Tim~